Feeling frustrated that your requests to get promoted are ignored or rejected? Thinking that you are stuck in career neutral? Have you stopped asking for more job responsibility because you expect to be turned down? Is your manager saying NO regardless of the request? Receiving a rejection to a well-deserved request can undermine your self-confidence. However, getting a NO is a gift if we change our perspective in how we hear a NO. In fact, NO has two interpretations:
NO: Final, definitely not, no-can-do, never
ANALYSIS: NO, never is a clear indication that there are no current options. NO, never does give you information that you didn’t have before you asked. Now you can select another course of action. NO, never gives you agency to pivot. NO, never opens doors that you many not have considered. NO, never is a gift.
NO: Conditional, not now, ask me again, ask at another time
ANALYSIS: NO, not now is an opportunity to bargain for what the
other person will agree to. NO, not now could also indicate a future YES if you choose a different time to make your request. For example, ask again at the end of the month, end of the quarter. Research suggests that you should ask three times. If you continue to get a NO, not now, it’s time to move out and move on. NO, not now is a gift.
How to determine which NO you’re getting?
Ask clarifying questions:
- Does this mean you’re saying it’s impossible?
- Would you prefer I pick a better time to ask again?
- Would you consider new options?
- What new information do you need to take another look at your decision?
- What would you recommend that I do now?
- Is there someone else I could ask?
When you get a NO, remember QTIP = Quit Taking It Personally!
